Winds of Change
by soaper410
Summary: An AU story that is a sequel to Turbulence, a story a wrote last summer
1. Chapter 1

Here is my new story, a semi-sequel to Turbulence. The first chapter is fairly short but wanted to go ahead and lay the foundation for the story. Also one of the songs I used is a song that was used in another story. That was totally un-intentional. I wrote this a few weeks ago and the same song plays in several chapters so that is why I can't change it.

Chapter 1

Deacon waives to the babysitter as she pulls out of the driveway. It's only six o'clock but he's already bone tired. The dirty dishes are still in the sink and all of Maddie's toys are scattered on the floor, just as they had been this morning.

Deacon walks over to the blinking red light of the answering machine. It was a message from Tandy who was just "checking in." Deacon sighs in disappointment when he realizes there are no other messages. Deacon takes a moment to stare at a picture of Maddie and Rayna from Maddie's first birthday. He traces the lines of Rayna's smile briefly, allowing himself just a moment to wallow in his own loneliness.

Then heads down the hallway, opening the first door on the left. Deacon smiles when he sees his daughter. She's wearing the purple shirt, green skirt, and the cowboy boots that she picked out this morning. With a soft smile, Deacon realizes if Rayna ever saw Maddie dressed like that she would freak out. Actually the outfit is less offensive than the lopsided ponytail with the gold ribbon that Maddie's hair was still in. Apparently neither the day care, nor the babysitter decided to fix his hair disaster from this morning.

The four year old excitedly jumps up from her small table that Santa bought last year. She grabs her Daddy's hand and tugs him toward the table.

"Daddy, I gonna show you my picture for Mama."

Deacon watches as his daughter moves her crayons around to get to the white construction paper she was looking for.

Maddie had been in a coloring stage for a few months, so he recognized the blobs near the bottom of the page. The white line with red at the top was Rayna. The line with the brown blob in front of it was apparently himself with a guitar. Maddie points to a purple and green lines and tells Deacon that is her.

Deacon asks what the white lines at the top of the page are.

"Clouds," Maddie says matter-of-factly. Deacon nods again and asks what the yellow thing on top of the clouds were. Maddie tilts her head to the side, a mannerism she got from Rayna.

"It's Jack," Maddie declares before she sees that her doll is on the ground. As Maddie rushes over to get Victoria the doll, Deacon feels his eyes water. Quickly, Deacon wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and ask Maddie how macaroni and cheese sounds for dinner.

One quick tea party later and the pair make it down to the kitchen. For the next twenty minutes, Maddie watches some princess movie and dances around the living room while Deacon makes supper.

Maddie frowns as Deacon put down her plate of mac-and-cheese, sliced apples, and green beans.

"You didn't cut it like Mama does," Maddie whines as she pushes her plate away and crosses her arms in front of her. Typically, he would scold Maddie for being rude and whining; but, nothing was typical these days. Plus, Maddie is missing Rayna and is confused about everything that's going on.

Deacon scoops up the offending apples and places them on his plate before grabbing another apple and cutting them to Maddie's instructions. The pair sits down at the kitchen table and Maddie's brief temper tantrum is forgotten. Maddie tells Deacon about her day at preschool. During show-and-tell Michael brought his pet turtle, for art she got to roll paint around with marbles, and McKenzie tried to kiss Davis on the playground.

"Kissing? She's four." Deacon asks as he turns white thinking of his own daughter kissing some boy.

Maddie nodded, "She tries to kiss all the boys but that is just yucky. But I not gonna kiss a boy til I'm 8 or 9." She nods and holds up eight fingers.

Deacon drops the subject, not wanting to think about the topic any longer. Maddie helps Deacon load the dishwasher and pick up her toys.

After dinner, father and daughter head upstairs. Maddie's bath is blissfully quick but bed time is a hassle.

Even after reading four books, Maddie is practically standing on her head begging him to play the guitar. Deacon walks down the hall and comes back with a guitar in hand. Maddie yells happily before Deacon sternly warns her to go lay down, "Or else I won't play at all."

Deacon cuts off the overhead light, bathing the room in soft purple glow from the night light. Maddie settles down as Deacon tucks her in.

Maddie asks for "her song" first. Deacon wants to play anything else right now but he's never been good at denying his daughter anything. He sings the words to, 'A Life That's Good.' He surprises himself at happy and light he feels as he sings the lyrics. Maddie smiles and sings along, moving her head back and forth against the pillow.

The next request was for the Little Mermaid song as the little girl yawns. Maddie makes fishy face as Maddie began singing 'Kiss the Girl.' Deacon finishes the song before leaning down to kiss Maddie's cheek. For a second, he turns to his side, expecting Rayna to be there. It has become a tradition for Deacon to lean down and Maddie on the cheek, then turn and kiss Rayna's lips. But Ray isn't here so he leans down and kisses his daughter again. He lets out a loud puff of air before changing the tune again to 'Good Night Sweetheart'.

Eventually Maddie's eyes close and her breathing evens out. Deacon plucks the strings as he watches Maddie sleeping. He runs through all the things he should be doing right now: calling Bucky, cleaning up the house, making a grocery list, or taking a shower. But he just can't make himself get up and mull around the empty house.

Nearly an hour later, Deacon lays his guitar against the wall of Maddie's room and heads to the master suite. His shirt and jeans from yesterday are still on the floor. His half of the bed is unmade, the sheets are just like he left them this morning. Rayna's half of the bed is perfectly made, down to the throw pillows. Nothing on her side of the bed and had been moved in over a week.

Five weeks ago, Deacon was sure he could never hurt more in his entire life than that God-awful day in the hospital. But things were so much worse now that reality has sunk in. He slowly undresses, lacking the energy to do it quickly.

Deacon grabs his cellphone and dials the familiar number as he relaxes against the pillows.

He isn't surprised when the phone rings four times. He hears Rayna's voice, telling him to leave a message at the beep. She sounds so happy on the recording. He wonders if he'll ever hear her sound that happy again. The beep is loud and Deacon sighs into the phone.

"Hey. It's me. I know you don't want to talk right now…." His breath catches in his throat, "Maddie misses you and I miss you." Deacon pauses, trying to choose the right words. "I love you baby, please just come home. Please…." The digital recording tells Deacon his time has expired. He closes his flip phone and looks up at the ceiling.

His heart aches and his head hurts so he closes his eyes, hopeful that maybe tomorrow things would be better.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for such a very sweet response to the first chapter. This isn't meant to be sad story, just a look at Rayna/Deacon making it through a difficult time! Hope you enjoy (err...or at least appreciate where I'm going with the story).

Chapter 2

Rayna watches as the thick haze of morning dances through the trees. She follows a wisp as it floats through the tall grass and tickles the rocks poking out of the river. She isn't sure how long she's been sitting in the rocking chair. She focuses on the way the wind plays in the grass for a bit; then listens as a bird sings his morning song. She's seen this view a thousand times before; yet, today it fascinates her. Her mind drifts to other times she's been up here. Memories linger on a cold winter morning when Maddie squeaked out her first word. She thinks of the time she and Deacon's first weekend away as a couple after Maddie was born. They didn't know what they enjoyed more: the sex or eight straight hours of sleep. She allows herself a brief smile before her mouth turns downward again.

Morning gives ways to the afternoon as the sky changes from a dull marigold to a bright lemon as the sun hangs high above. Rayna hums the same song she's been singing for days. It's the first sound she's made aloud in a day or two.

In her hand, is her cell phone. She's been holding it for hours, willing herself to call Deacon. She notices the clock on the phone shows its almost 2 o'clock. He's probably between recording sessions right now. She opens her phone and traces the buttons with her fingertips. All she has to do is press number down and speed dial would do the rest. Still, she can't seem to find the courage. Eventually, the phone is put on the side table of the porch. Rayna rations that calling Deacon can wait until she has something to say. In truth, she knows that she's merely avoiding him. She should feel guilty or bad but right now, she lacks the energy to care about anything.

She sings the lyrics to the old Johnny and June duet as she wraps her arms around herself and rearranges her legs. As she shifts, Rayna winces. It's been over five weeks since she the labor but she's still sore and tender. She doesn't remember still being this sensitive after Maddie was born. Perhaps, she was just caught up with a new baby and figuring out things with Teddy and Deacon.

Unconsciously, Rayna brings moves her arms slightly and realizes she in the position to hold a newborn. Her arms feel empty. These days, everything feels empty. The pads of her fingers brush the few tears that trickle down her cheeks. She wonders if she'll ever stop crying. It seems like these days that is all she can.

She has cried out of anger, out of despair, out of grief and hormones. She cried silently during the brief moment she held her Jack. She sobbed when they the nurses told her it was time to let him go. She'd cried when they told Maddie that God had taken her baby brother to be an angel in heaven. Tears rolled when she swallowed the pills to stop her milk from coming in and again when the doctor asked where they wanted their wanted their son's body sent to.

Rayna closes her eyes remembering picking out of the casket. Thankfully, there were four options: pink, blue, white, and oak. Rayna had merely pointed at the wooden box and walked out of the room. Deacon threw up in the funeral hospital parking lot while she cried in the car. Tandy had done the rest of the arrangements. It wasn't much of a funeral from what Rayna could remember. The tranquilizer Tandy gave her helped some.

Rayna felt beads of sweat roll down her arms as the hot Tennessee son bore down on her. Everything had been so damn hard with Maddie. Deacon was gone for months, DNA tests were done, engagements were broken. The whole year was just one confusing emotional mess.

But this time was different. This baby was planned. There were no rehabs or DNA tests. This time, Deacon was with her when she bought the pregnancy tests. This time neither of them had fears of parenthood, just excitement and love. He was with her at every doctor's appointment and took joy in every pound she gained. During the first sonogram, the ultrasound technician grinned before asking if they wanted to know the gender.

They both nodded and a second later they were having a boy. Jackson Wyatt Claybourne had his name within the hour. Little did they know then, it would never be written on a birth certificate. It would never be on a diploma or wedding announcement. It would only ever grace a small granite plate beside her mama's headstone.

Rayna swallows the lump in her throat and lets out another sob. Her stomach aches. She can't be sure if it's from hunger pains or cramping from all the crying. Slowly, she gets up from her chair. Her leg is asleep and tingles as the blood flow starts again.

In the kitchen she finds the medicine that the hospital psychologist gave her. It was supposed to help her sleep but so far it just makes her feel less of everything. Rayna takes two pills and gulps down a glass water. She notices the groceries Tandy brought up last week, still lying on the counter. The strawberries are starting to smell and the bread is still untouched.

For ten days, she has lived on water, tea, and an occasional cracker. Her baby weight has disappeared and even her pre-pregnancy clothes are lose fitting now.

While she was pregnant, Rayna worried about her weight and whether she would be able to fit into her stage outfits. She'd worried over stretch marks and unattractive maternity attire. How stupid, she thinks. She'd worried about everything but the umbilical cord.

On the kitchen table, Rayna notices the blank journal that the hospital therapist suggested she write in. How exactly was she supposed to write about her feelings? There are no words in the English language to describe what she is feeling. Besides, what does it matter if she feels up the pages or leaves them blank? It changes nothing.

Rayna feels the tension in her body lessen slightly and assumes the pills are kicking in.

She makes her way to the bathroom and cringes at her appearance in the mirror. Her hair is up in a matted, greasy bun. Her lips are chapped and there are large dark circles under her eyes. Just like any new mom, she isn't sleeping or showering.

Rayna feels sick to her stomach and wills herself not to cry again. Perhaps it's the pills or perhaps she is all cried out, but the tears don't come this time.

Slowly, she makes her way over to the bed and lays down hoping for sleep that won't come.

( ( ) )

Deacon grasps the steering wheel with both hands. His grip is so tight, he can feel the blood pumping through his veins. He wills himself to get out of the truck but his legs remain frozen. It's been four days since his last meeting and Deacon knows he has to go inside. Years ago, he swore to Rayna he would always go to two meetings a day. So far, he's kept that promise.

Sure, on their honeymoon, he'd only gone to one meeting a day. There was the week when all three of them caught that god-awful stomach virus. He'd barely been able to walk downstairs, much less make it through a meeting. And occasionally on the last tour, they would come to a town where the AA meetings were in direct conflict with the stage show. But at the very least, he always calls Coleman and takes a few minutes out for himself. Even after Jack died, he'd gone to meetings every day except for the funeral.

But several weeks later and suddenly his meetings seemed so unimportant. Rayna's grief had turned morphed into depression. Every day, it became harder for her to function. She started ignoring him and Maddie. Three weeks ago, he'd come home after a meeting to find Maddie crying in her room because Rayna put her in timeout, "a long time ago," and claimed she was hungry.

He found Rayna in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair. She was dazed. No, she was drugged on those damn pills. He'd realized Rayna just forgotten all about their child. He could only guess how long Maddie had been in the room. That night he had suggested she lay off the pills. Rayna had been horrified by happened and had agreed to stop taking the medication.

Then the fights started.

Ray was mad at everything he did or didn't do. He didn't cry enough, he cried too much. When he laughed Maddie's antics, Rayna assumed he didn't miss their son. One second Rayna vowed that they'd never touch the nursery and leave it as some shrine to Jack. The next, she wanted to know why Deacon hadn't donated the crib to some charity. She wasn't sleeping. She wasn't talking. She showed no interest in music or going back on tour. She began avoiding Maddie. She spent more and more time in the nursery and less and less time interacting with people.

Then there was the night she'd left. In hindsight, Rayna had been looking for a reason to leave and damn if he didn't give her one.

Since then, he's only seen her one time. That was when he made the mistake of going up to the cabin to try and reach her.

Deacon looks down at his watch and realizes he has five minutes until the meeting starts. Deacon jumps out of the driver's seat and practically sprints into the church fellowship hall. He needs to get inside before he can find an excuse to leave. Jerry pats him on the back and asks lets him know that, "You and your wife have been in my prayers." Deacon nods but can't get any words to come out. Coleman walks over and smiles at him. Deacon does his best to smile back.

The meeting starts and first up is one of the newbies, Allison. She's in her late twenties. She talks briefly about her life. It's a familiar story. Her father abandoned her mom; mom let step-daddy do awful things. And then there is silence. Several people look around for a moment and Deacon's legs rise from the chair before he can think about it. Coleman always says when you don't want to talk, that's the best time to share.

He walks up to podium and grips the sides tightly. Deacon is sure he has splinters in his hand. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. He says his name and grips the wood tighter. There is a nervous tickle in his throat and Deacon lets out a cough. He feels his throat tighten. His lungs are empty and his gasps for air. After three more gasps and a long, dry cough, Cole put his hand on his shoulder. Deacon gasps out loud and Brenda, a regular, brings over a paper bag and tells Deacon to breathe.

"In and out," Brenda soothes. Cole stands up and tells the small group the meeting will be taking a five minute break. Deacon focuses on breathing for a moment and tells himself to breath. Brenda tells him to keep his head down low. He closes his eyes at the realization that he can't even get through a damn meeting without fucking it up.

Deacon closes his eyes and takes another deep breathe. He imagines Rayna whispering in his ear and thinks of her fingers lightly scraping his neck. A few moments later, Deacon gathers himself and apologizes with a quiet, "sorry." He stands up and heads to the side exit quickly.

He grabs the truck key from his pocket and hops into his truck. He hears a muffled voice yelling his name but Deacon doesn't stop moving. As soon as the key is in the ignition, the truck speeds out of the parking lot.

Five blocks away, Deacon pulls over into an office parking lot. He leans his head back against the seat cushion and balls up a fist. Without thinking, he punches the steering wheel several times. The car horn sounds loudly as he hits the horn. But nobody else is in the parking lot so he hits it again, enjoying the loud sound.

He is losing Rayna. Every day, every second, she floats further and further away and there is nothing he can do to stop it. In their fifteen years together, she's always waited for him. She has always been the stable one, the one who helped him through his demons and his hangovers. He hits the steering wheel again hard and jumps out of the truck.

For several moments, Deacon alternates between kicking the tires and metal of the truck frame and punching the side. If the people driving by notice him, they don't stop to check on him. The sounds of metal ding as he pounds into the side of his beloved truck. Over and over, he knocks and punches the side. His steel toed boots kick the front tire hard before he catches sight of Maddie's car seat in back seat. Deacon realizes his limbs are heavy and feels a sense of exhaustion wash over him. He feels the ooze of blood as it runs over his knuckles and sees the black scuff marks of his boots. He catches a reflection of himself in the passenger window. His eyes are bloodshot and his cheeks are hollow. He looks like he's getting off a two day binder. Pain starts shooting through his arm and a dull ache is radiating from his thigh.

He opens the door and wills himself to get back inside. He tells himself that he needs to back to the meeting. He needs to start focusing on his sobriety. He needs to be strong for everyone.

Slowly, he climbs back in the truck and winces in pain as his arm closes the door back. He hears the bells of his cellphone ringing and rolls his eyes up towards the ceiling. He's almost certain it's Coleman checking on him and debates whether to answer. As he gathers the phone in his hand he recognizes the number on the screen.

He quickly flips open the phone and whispers her name.

"Ray?"

An awkward silence follows and he prays that she won't hang up the phone. When Deacon says her name again she brings the phone closer to her lips, "Yeah I'm here."

He asks how she is doing and she sighs into the phone. "I'm fine." Another second or so passes and she asks how Maddie is. Deacon wanted to respond that she wasn't fine. She cried this morning at day care when he dropped her off. She's been having nightmares about her mama being taken by a monster. But he didn't want to do anything which would keep her away for longer.

"She's okay. She um…she's with Tandy while I am at my meeting."

Rayna interjects that she doesn't want to keep him from the meeting. Deacon runs his hands through his hair as he sits in the parking lot.

Deacon tells Rayna their meeting ended early and he can hear the judgment in her voice as she repeats, "The meeting got over at 6:25?"

Deacon swallows, realizing that she intentionally called at a time when he shouldn't have been available. He decides not take her bait. Instead he tells Rayna that Maddie's swimming lesson went well yesterday morning and he swears their daughter is part fish. It feels weird when Rayna doesn't respond back with some happy memory about Maddie splashing in the pool last summer.

Rayna presses her lips together and asks if Maddie knows where she is.

"I told her you were just really sad and need to be somewhere for a few days."

Neither one of them mention that it's been a week and half since mother and daughter saw each other. Silence feels the phone line for a moment. Rayna blurts out she's coming back to Nashville tomorrow.

She can hear Deacon smile into the phone. His voice sounds relieved, "You're coming home?"

Rayna quickly tells him, "no. I just have my six week appointment. Apparently, I still have to get checked out. At least it will be quicker since there is no baby wellness exam."

The words seem harsher as Rayna says it without any inflection in her voice. Deacon winces and silent wonders if she's still taking those pills that the shrink gave her. There is no way in hell he's going to risk asking her about it.

Rayna adds that she wants to see Maddie, "I was hoping I could come see her at the house for a few hours tomorrow morning. I'll take her to the daycare when I leave for my appointment."

Deacon could read between the lines of the conversation. She didn't want him at the house when she got there.

Deacon felt tears spring to his eyes. He reminds himself that Maddie needs to see her mother more than he needs to see his wife. Reluctantly, Deacon speaks again.

"I'll umm…I'll call Tandy and see if she can be there about 8. I'll be gone before you get there." Deacon's heart beat in his chest, praying that Rayna would change her mind. Instead she said a quick "bye" and hangs up the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all the very encouraging comments and notes. Sorry its making everyone sad, but hopefully it will get better soon!**

**Chapter 3**

Rayna feels the tears pool in her eyes as Maddie screams in Tandy's arms. Maddie kicks her legs and squirms up and down as she calls out for "Mama" again. Maddie's voice is straining and tears are falling down the little girl's face as Rayna gathers her pocketbook and cellphone. Instead of turning around, Rayna closes the door behind her and quickly jumps into her car.

Up until the goodbyes, the morning had gone so well. Despite Rayna's nervousness, the second she saw Maddie everything was okay. The little girl had run to her, gripping her little hands around Rayna's neck and wrapping her legs around her mother's waist. During the three hours Rayna was there, Maddie didn't once let her mother out of her view. Tandy stayed out of sight, knowing how important her sister and niece's time was.

Mother and daughter colored and played school. Maddie taught Rayna, Princess Buttercup, and Teddy all their ABCs. Then, the ladies went outside and enjoyed the sunshine. Rayna braided her daughter's hair and put little rose buds in Maddie's hair. It had been the only time in the last six weeks that Rayna smiled. But now it was time for Rayna to go to her doctor's appointment.

Rayna sat in the OB-GYN office silently. She cann't help but notice all the big bellies and little carriers on the floor. Her leg shakes in nervous energy. Everywhere she looks there is a poster of a pregnant woman or a pamphlet for healthy babies. The magazines on the end table have headlines like: _How to Bond with your baby_ and _The 10 Best Things about Being a Mom. _

Rayna looks down at her feet, willing herself not to look up again until it's her turn to get called back. Rayna thinks she must be a masochist as she lets her eyes travel across the waiting room. She catches sight of a dark haired woman with an infant on her hip. The baby has a teal and white striped onesies with a lion on the front. Rayna bites her lip, knowing the same outfit is hanging in her own nursery.

A lady at reception calls her name and she gets up quickly.

A young blonde with a file gets measures her weight done and gets scuttles her into a side office. A moment later a sweet older lady in a pink scrubs walks in.

The nurse asks questions ranging from diet to soreness, discharge and cramping. The questions eventually end and the woman comes over and squeezes Rayna's hand.

"It gets better sweetie, I promise." Rayna feels her lip quiver and knows she's on the verge of tears. Unlike most condolences, the woman's eyes hold a hint of pain in them. But before Rayna can ask any questions, the door closes behind the nurse.

Rayna avoids looking at the wall as she undresses and gets into the paper gown. She hopes Tandy has been able to calm Maddie down by now. She looks down at the floor and sees the ugly white tile floor. It's the same tile the hospital has, the same tile she stared at for hours after they took the baby away.

The doctor comes in and Rayna lays back glad to be looking at the bare ceiling.

The exam is over quickly and Dr. Patrick asks how everything is going. She's always been a wonderful doctor but right now she's the last person Rayna wants to speak to.

Rayna gives an answer of 'fine.' It isn't convincing but the doctor doesn't say anything.

"Like I told you at the hospital, there is no reason that you and your husband won't be able to conceive again and have a healthy child."

Rayna's eyes widen. There was no reason she didn't have a healthy child six weeks ago. Instead she stays quiet as the doctor clears her for "regular sexual activity."

Rayna crosses her arms in front of her chest as Dr. Patrick warns Rayna that she's eleven pounds lighter than she was before she was pregnant. Rayna looks down at the floor as the doctor encourages her to get back on a healthy diet and continue her therapy. She hadn't been to the therapist since right after the funeral and that wasn't going to change.

Rayna doesn't meet the doctor's gaze nor does she bother responding. As soon as the doctor leaves the room she dresses quickly and runs out of the doctor's office.

(( ))

Deacon walks into the house quickly, not bothering to close the door behind him. A second later he hears Maddie yelling a loud, "no!" and sees an etch-a-sketch hit the side wall. He hears Maddie yell again that she, "hates her!"

Deacon's voice booms "Madelynn Grace Claybourne, you do not talk to your aunt like that." He rounds the corner and sees his daughter with a frown on her face. Her cheeks are red with tear stains and anger.

A little softer he tells his daughter, "You know better than to throw things." She grunts and stomps her foot but says nothing. Deacon demands she apologize to Tandy and pick up the toy. The two get in a staring contest for a moment before the four year old spits out an insincere apology and stomps to pick up the red box.

Deacon sends Maddie to her room for a time out. After Maddie disappears up the stairs, he turns back to Tandy. His sister-in-law sighs and thanks him for coming home.

"What the hell happened?"

Tandy shakes her head, "She lost it when Rayna left. Deacon, she got away from me and chased Rayna's car down the driveway. She was in the street before I could catch up with her."

Deacon runs his fingers through his hair, contemplating all the different horrifying scenarios that could have happened. This nightmare just seems to keep going and going. Tandy offers to stay but Deacon knows that if Maddie behaved this badly for her, the babysitter would be no match.

"Since I got her back in the house, she's been impossible. She's just being so un-Maddie like right now." Tandy gave him a sympathetic smile before leaving.

A moment later he hears a loud bang from upstairs. He assumes Maddie's tantrum is in full swing. 99% of the time she is an absolute angel. But then there is the rare instance where Deacon's temper and Rayna's diva behavior collide into one big fit. Still he wasn't going to spank her or hit her.

His own childhood had been full of black eyes and bruises. Deacon wasn't going to put his own child through any of that so as a result he and Rayna decided against corporal punishment as part of discipline. He allows himself a few moments of quiet as he loads the dishwasher and makes a few phone calls to rearrange his schedule.

He walks up the stairs and opens Maddie's door. He expects to find his daughter in her room pouting. Instead he sees the room is completely empty. Panic grips him for a second and he runs back downstairs to see if Maddie somehow got past him and went back out to the road.

He calls her name several times inside, each time a tad more panicked than the one before. Deacon runs from the kitchen to the living room, checks the laundry room. He takes the stairs two by two and throws open every door looking for his daughter. He tries to remember every place that Maddie hides in hide-and-go-seek games.

His heart beats faster as he stops at the nursery door. It's been closed and he prefers to not go in there. As his hand lands on the knob, he hears another loud sound and sighs in relief.

Deacon walks into the master room and goes into the walk-in closet. Despite how big the closet is, he has one small corner of room. The rest is for Rayna's million and half outfits. He walks past the stacks of designer jeans and shirts. He finds Maddie sitting in the middle of the Rayna's gowns and stage costumes.

On top of Maddie's regular clothes is a purple sequin dress that Rayna wore to some awards show a few years ago. He smiles seeing his daughter has at least a dozen gold bracelets up and down her arm and is wearing one of Rayna's faux diamond necklaces as a belt. On her head is a large hat that Rayna bought years ago to keep the sun out her face. Dozens of Rayna's shoes are on the floor and several other gowns are in a rumpled mess under Maddie's feet.

Deacon sits on the ground beside Maddie as his daughter watches him.

"Why aren't you in your room for time out?" Deacon asks in a calm voice.

"Mama left and then Tan Tan lied to me." His own eyes fill with tears at the sadness in his daughter's voice. Typically, Maddie only gets sad when she can't watch a television program or stay up later than her bedtime. Her childhood has been void of breaking chairs and broken arms. She's never heard her parents worry over paying the water bill or be awoken to her father stumbling in at 3 am. Every day, Maddie lives in a magical bubble of love and consistency. But lately, he has worried that Rayna's absence and his own grief have begun to mess with Maddie's childhood.

Deacon notices that Rayna has fixed Maddie's hair and smiles. He quietly asks her how Tandy lied to her.

Maddie stands up and places her little feet in Rayna's shoes, nearly falling over as she does.

"Tan Tan said I was gonna stay all day with mama but then she left. Then she said if I yelled one more time she would call mama but she didn't. She called you. So she lied lots of times."

Deacon nods, understanding his daughter's temper a little more. In Maddie's entire life, Rayna's never been away more than two days and those were planned. He asks Maddie how this morning was with her mom.

Maddie's face lights up as she tells Deacon about the flowers outside and how she 'taughted' school. Deacon tells Maddie that he has to go back in and finish up his session.

"I can go with you, I promise I will be very good." Maddie jumps out of her mom's shoes and tries to pull the dress over her head. Deacon realizes he has no choice but warns Maddie that this isn't like the times she has gone with he and Mama.

"Is Uncle Watty gonna be there?"

"Since he is producing my album, I think it's a safe bet," Deacon jokes but the little girl is too busy dropping all of Rayna's jewelry on the ground.

Maddie claps happily before the two head downstairs.

(( ))

Rayna rubs her eyes and looks down at the journal. It's no longer blank. On the top right side of the first page is the date. So far, this all Rayna can make herself write. Leaving Maddie had been awful. Besides the typical separation anxiety stages, she had never seen Maddie freak out like that. The child had her moments, of course like all kids, but nothing like today.

Her phone call to Tandy earlier had been reassuring. Her sister claimed Maddie calmed down almost as soon as Rayna left. Part of her doubted that was true but she preferred to believe a lie than know another truth.

She felt like the worst mother in the whole world: one traumatized child and the other one dead. She tastes copper acid on her tongue and realizes she's bitten through the skin of her lip. Her crying this time is over quickly. She wipes the snot away with her sleeve and breaths deeply. There is the rattle in her lungs and it takes her a moment before he return to a normal breathing pattering.

The memory she's been stuck on for hours is one of she and Deacon lying in bed. That night, Deacon had been fascinated with how their son moved around inside of her. He had spent over an hour with headphones on every part of her stomach, every time the earphones moved, the baby moved to get closer to the sound. Deacon had laughed like a little boy himself, loving that he and his child were already communicating.

He'd spent a lot of her first pregnancy in rehab in Colorado and even the months he was in Tennessee, Rayna was engaged to Teddy so there hadn't been a lot of physical contact. This time, Deacon's hand was constantly on my stomach or on her hip. He would always lean down to talk to the baby or call out Jack's name as if he was part of the conversation too. There was even the one night that he'd agreed to play for a friend's band in Memphis. Deacon made Rayna hold the home phone up to her stomach as he said goodnight to the baby. Rayna rubs her stomach absentmindedly for a while until headlights shine through the cabin window.

Rayna jerks her head up and throws the blanket off her legs. She expected Deacon to come back up to the cabin at some point soon. But as she walks to the porch gearing up for another fight, she's surprised to see a small white Lexus convertible in lieu of a Ford pickup truck.

She hears cowboy boots walk across the worn planks of the porch a second before she is able to make out Watty's face in the dark. His usual warm smile is gone. In its place is a stern expression.

Without so much as a hug or polite greeting, Watty opens his mouth.

"Get your bags now, I'm taking you home," he demands. Rayna brushes her hair to one side and shakes her head no. She had not anticipated Deacon sending Watty up to do his dirty work and she isn't sure how to respond.

Immediately, Watty walks into the cabin and yells at Rayna to hurry up. Her eyes widen as she sees Watty grab her sweatshirt and heads into her bedroom. Quickly Rayna runs after him and asks what he is doing.

Watty is already in her bedroom, throwing an empty suitcase on her bed.

"Pack your damn bags now."

Rayna shakes her head but Watty's eyes tell her isn't in the mood for conversation.

"Do you know what I did for the better part of three hours during your husband's recording session?" Rayna puts a hand on her hip ready to hear about how Deacon cried or whined to their friend. She wasn't about to feel bad for him right now.

Watty huffs out, "I tried to convince your four year old daughter that her mother didn't hate her." Rayna lets out a quiet gasp and tries to come up with a response. Before she can say another word, Watty turns around and opens the top drawer of the dresser. He dumps out every garment in the drawer and yells at Rayna to "get her damn clothes in the bags. NOW!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is the next chapter, thank y'all so much for the wonderful feedback. I've got Chapter 5 written already so I'll update Tuesday! **

**CHAPTER 4**

Deacon pulls into the driveway and feels his heart race when he sees Rayna's SUV in the driveway. Maddie notices it too as she starts to pull at her car seat and happily yells that "Mama's back home!" He hears the familiar click of Maddie undoing her booster seat a second before he applies the breaks.

As soon as Deacon opens to door to the back of the truck, Maddie jumps out of the car and runs towards the kitchen door. He walks slower, unsure of what he's going to walk into. As he opens the kitchen door, he spots his wife and child in the middle of the kitchen.

Rayna is on her knees rubbing the ice cream stain on Maddie's dress. His girls continue their conversation about sprinkles and whip creram as he looks Rayna up and down. She looks thin and tired but he could look at her forever. But she won't meet his gaze, instead she stays in deep conversation with Maddie.

"How do pancakes sound for breakfast? asks Rayna.

Maddie jumps up and down and asks Rayna if she's home for good. Deacon leans forward anxious to hear the answer too.

Instead of answering the question, Rayna rubs her nose against her daughter's. "Blueberry, chocolate chip, or plain?"

"Blueberry," Maddie decides.

Rayna finally looks at Deacon, then back at Maddie. She asks Maddie why she was up so late.

Maddie clings to Rayna's shirt and says that she and Daddy went out for a treat. Rayna wants to comment that its 10:30 and the child should have been in bed hours ago. Instead she lets it go. According to Watty, Maddie fell asleep around 5 after crying and worrying for hours.

Besides, Maddie had always been a night owl like both of her parents and any excuse to stay awake works for her.

"You need a bath," Rayna insists as she takes in the dried ice cream on the girl's cheek.

Maddie grabs her mother's hand and leads her up the stairs excitedly babbling about some new foam that turns the water green.

Deacon wants more than anything to go join his girls upstairs. Once Teddy was out of the picture, the three of them began spending every night together. Bath time became a ritual. Rayna would sit on the floor and he'd sit on the toilet taking turns washing and scrubbing the baby. They would entertain their daughter with songs and splash and throw water as much as Maddie would. Then the three of them would head to Maddie's room for story time.

Over the years it evolved. Bath time is now shared duty, either he or Rayna surprise while Maddie plays with Barbies and water. But they still all three go to Maddie's room. Now, instead of bedtime stories, they all sing Disney songs and country classics. At least that is what they used to do before.

Deacon turns on the television, flipping until he finds a baseball game to focus on.

Thirty minutes later, Deacon looks towards the stairs and wills Rayna to come down. But she doesn't. Eventually, the game ends and he turns the television off. Slowly, Deacon walks down the hall, careful to miss the stair that creeks.

Maddie's door is closed and there is no light coming from inside. Cautiously, he opens the door. His eyes adjust to the darkened room. He makes out Rayna, fully dressed lying on Maddie's bed with their little girl laying on top of her mama.

For a moment he allows himself to watch them. He notices the way Maddie's little fingers clutch her mom's shirt and the hint of a smile on his wife's face. He closes the bedroom door and heads down the hall to the master bedroom.

He tosses off his clothes and makes the bed up around himself. Rayna had barely acknowledged his presence earlier. He couldn't blame her for that. Not after the things he'd said to her a few weeks ago.

Deacon forces his eyes to stay shut and makes himself go through the breathing techniques that he'd learned during his last rehab stint.

(( ))

Rayna walks out of Maddie's room, closing the door behind her. It had taken an hour to get Maddie to sleep but finally the little girl was out to the world. Surprisingly, Rayna fell asleep too, if only for a little while.

Rayna looks to her left and notices the light still shining from the master bedroom. She knows Deacon is hoping she is coming to bed.

The truth is, she misses Deacon and she wants to go to him, but she can't will her legs to move. She misses his arms and the stubble on his chin. She longs to inhale his unique scent of aftershave and cologne. But still, her legs don't move. She reminds herself how much she loves her bedroom.

It's her favorite room in the entire world. She and Deacon built their dream house like they did everything else, together.

They found the six acres of land in the back of a quiet neighborhood. The house was 3600 square feet, complete with a laundry room, a huge fireplace, and a small recording studio in the basement. The pool in the back was complete with a diving board and a built in Jacuzzi beside it. It had taken them weeks to decide how bedrooms they wanted may. Eventually, they decided on Maddie's bedroom and two more, just in case. They spent countless hours reviewing blueprints and paint cans while they were touring the country.

But the bedroom had been the room they spent the most time on. She adored every aspect of that room. She and Deacon stayed in hundreds of hotels over the years and knew what they wanted for their own room. Deacon picked out the double shower heads the mimic the bathroom in a Houston penthouse. She got a bathtub mirrored after one they spent a significant time in near Toronto.

They still had the same bed that they shared for practically their entire relationship. The sheets were nicer now, a sage green to match the comforter and the 26 pillows Deacon always teased her about. Her walk-in closet was huge. Deacon promised her the closet of her dreams on the condition that he got a guitar room with as much space. Needless to say, Deacon started buying guitars to fill up the music room's empty space.

There was a small fireplace on the far wall with a small loveseat and rug in front of it. The room always smells like her candles and wood and everything that made her feel like home.

There was a collection of black and white pictures of the three of them along one wall. There were professional photographs intermingled with ones she'd taken herself. One photo was from their wedding day, another was of Maddie's first birthday, and there was a snapshot she'd taken of Deacon and Maddie asleep together when she was about 3 months old. There was a picture of she and Deacon over the years performing at the Ryman for the first time and another of them kissing at the end of a concert in New York.

The latest addition to the wall was added on Christmas Eve. Tandy had taken the photo of Rayna and Maddie making cookies for Santa. Rayna was visibly pregnant in the picture and in the background was the fireplace with four stockings hanging up. She knew it was premature but the green stocking with the white 'J' was just too adorable to pass up. Rayna closes her eyes and feels a large weight on her shoulders.

She slowly makes her way down the hall, opening the door to her bedroom. She doesn't know whether its relief or sadness she feels when she realizes Deacon is in the shower. Quickly, she finds an old t-shirt and shorts and throws the clothes she wore in the hamper.

She never dreamed when they came home from the hospital how much things would change.

About a week after they came home from the hospital, Deacon confided that he'd been craving a drink and was thinking about pills more and more. His confession sent her reeling and all of a sudden she felt catapulted back to the most tumultuous time in her life. The memories of ER rooms and late night jail phone calls came flooding back. She knew in theory that an alcoholic was one for life, never cured but always recovering. But she thought him drinking was a thing of the past. Deacon vowed to her that he'd fight this, one day at a time. His two regular meetings turned into three or four. When she cried or need him, he was saying the serenity prayer at some library or the hospital cafeteria. He was with other people while she forced to wipe her tears between making PB&J and princess parties. He would come home, emotionally and physically exhausted from his three plus meetings a day. When Maddie went to sleep, so did he. Then it was just her and her thoughts, all night long.

She became angrier when he was gone, resentful of how once again Deacon's sobriety became what her life revolved around. She didn't cry in front of him, for fear it would cause him to slip. But then she would get furious that she had to mourn her son silently.

Every time she sat up or down or took a step, she was physically reminded of the baby. Deacon didn't understand that. For the better part of nine months, she felt her son's presence every day, all day. First it was the morning sickness and the tender breasts, then the bulge in her stomach and the fluttering in her belly. By the end of her pregnancy, she had to pee every hour and felt every kick the baby made.

Then what had been inside her was gone.

At night, once Deacon and Maddie were asleep she would go to Jack's room. She'd rock back and forth in the rocking chair, humming lullabies. She would cry quietly into the teddy bear with the green bow tie. Sometimes, she would stare at the sonogram pictures in the baby book. Then, she'd cry all over again at the realization that his baby book would only ever be three pages long.

Occasionally, Rayna would fall asleep on the floor or in the rocking chair, but her sleep was always restless. More times than not, she would watch the sun come up from the nursery window. Then Deacon's alarm would beep down the hall and he'd head to his early morning meeting.

Her sleeping pills helped some. She could sleep for more than an hour at a time with them; but, it wasn't right to take them at night. That was her time to mourn Jack, to miss Jack. So she found herself taking the medicine in the late afternoon. She'd pop in a movie for Maddie and then take a nap. By nine or ten at night, she'd be rested enough to make it through the night.

Rayna realizes the water in the shower has stopped and hears Deacon open and close the cabinet door in the bathroom. Suddenly, Rayna turns around, walks out of the bedroom door, and heads for Jack's room.

As she enters the nursery, she feels relief that Deacon hasn't moved any of the furniture or toys. Her fingers skim the painted wood of the crib before she settles into the rocking chair for the night.

(( ))

Deacon lays down on the bed. He feels foolish, thinking Rayna would actually come to bed. Still, she's here in the house and she brought her bags back. That had to mean something.

He curses quietly to himself and stares up at the ceiling. It's never been like this before. During his many trips to rehab, it was Rayna who waited at home for him. It was Rayna who kept the business going, paid all the bills, and kept the home fires burning so to speak; now it is him. It was Rayna who hoped for a five minute phone call in her otherwise long and hard day; now he was suffering the same fate. It was hell, plain and simple.

As his thoughts become more distressed, he hears the bedroom door open and sits up, expecting to see Maddie looking for her mother.

Instead, he sucks in a breath as Rayna stands in the doorway. Her face is red with fresh tears and her hair is wild. Her hands rest on her hips and she clinches her jaw in unspoken anger. She comes a little further into the room, nearly close enough to the bed.

Rayna's voice is soft but her jaw clinches as she mutters, "Do you have any idea how mad I am at you?"

Deacon swallows but keeps quiet. The last time he tried to apologize to her, she kicked him out of the cabin.

"I have never been so mad at you before in my life," she continues.

All he says is her name as he tries to get out of bed but Rayna holds up her hand to stop him.

"You compared me to your mother," she says as if Deacon forgot the words he spoke. Rayna feels another tear fall down her face and looks over at the photo wall. Deacon remains quiet and watches her face.

"You told me that I shouldn't be left alone with Maddie." Deacon swallows harshly as her voice shakes with emotion. It was probably one of the stupidest things he ever said, certainly the most hurtful thing he'd ever said to Rayna.

Deacon quietly, defends himself, "I came home and you were passed out our bed. Maddie was alone downstairs with the front door wide open." Rayna's eyes look down at her feet, then back up to him.

Deacon takes the quiet moment to add, "You promised the pills were gone."

Truth is, he's still hurt that she lied about those damn sleeping pills being gone. How the hell she could keep pills in the house with him at all blew his mind. He'd confided to her that he was feeling the need for a drink or for a pill more than he had in years. Deacon worked hard to keep himself sober: more meetings every day and additional counseling sessions. The one thing he asked his wife for was to get rid of the temptation in her medicine cabinet. She promised she had thrown them away, then he ends up finding her doped up to the world while their daughter was downstairs.

Rayna shakes her head in disagreement and feels more tears fall down her face. Her voice shakes as she fights to express her emotions. But she stops talking. She can't tell Deacon that she's tired of being an alcoholic's wife. She can't tell him how selfish she thinks he is sometimes. All he has to do is mention he's shaky or craving a drink and suddenly, his emotions are more important than hers.

His words hurt and she wants to hurt him back. But not like this. Besides it won't do any good.

Rayna suddenly can't remember what she thought she would accomplish by coming in here. As Rayna turns around, Deacon catches her arm. It's the first time he has touched in wife in almost two weeks and he can't help as his thumb skims across her bare arm.

"I shouldn't have let Watty talk me into coming back," Rayna admits sadly, almost as if she surrendering to her fate.

Deacon frowns, "Watty?"

Absentmindedly Rayna nods, "He came to the cabin tonight and told me how bad Maddie took me leaving today."

Deacon tries to hide it, but it stings that his wife didn't come because she missed him or their daughter. She came home because an old friend made her feel guilty. Then another thought occurs to him.

"You let Watty into our cabin when you wouldn't even let me through the damn front door last week?"

Rayna can see that Deacon is upset and angry.

"Look, I can't do this with you right now," sighs Rayna.

He can tell she's tired and moves his fingers from her arm up to her shoulder.

Deacon offers a slight smile, "Okay, I don't want to fight either. I'm just glad your home, doesn't matter who talked you into coming back."

She smiles the best she can, hoping he didn't notice the doubt lingering in her mind about being back. This still feels awkward, like she's pretending around he and Maddie.

"Hey, let's get you to bed," offers Deacon, smiling at the prospect of finally getting to hold Rayna in his arms again.

Rayna shakes her head, "No, I'm fine. I'll just go back to the nursery."

She watches as Deacon's eyes turn darker and his jaw clinches sharply.

The words slip out before he can filter them. "Yeah, go on and spend more time in the empty room as opposed to sleep in the same room as your husband who you haven't seen in almost two weeks."

Rayna bites her lip hard and wills herself not to cry in front of him again. Her face crumples and jerks away from Deacon's hand. This is nearly the exact argument they had before she left last time.

Deacon closes his eyes in frustration as he hears a sob down the hallway followed by the slamming of Jack's door.

Deacon clinches his fist and punches the frame of the doorway. He debates whether to go after Rayna or just climb back in bed when he hears Maddie saying his name.

"Daddy?"


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all for the wonderful and encouraging comments! They are truly appreciated and encouraging! Hope to post the next chapter by Friday.

CHAPTER 5

Rayna readjusts her sunglasses as Maddie jumps off the diving board again. In the three days since her return home, she and Deacon have barely seen each other. Every night, she stays in the rocking chair and promises herself that tomorrow would be better, tomorrow she'd put forth an effort to get things right with Deacon. Then the next night, she'd sit in the rocking chair again and promise the same thing to herself.

Rayna looks at her watch and sees it is nearly time for Maddie's nap. It still feels odd to be alone during Maddie's nap time but she's getting used to it. Since Maddie was born, afternoon naps were she and Deacon's time alone. Back when Teddy still lived in the house, they wrote songs together while Maddie was snoozing. When Teddy moved out, nap time evolved from a quiet time for just the two of them to what Deacon referred to as "adult rest period."

They had an hour and half a day, every day that was just theirs. There were no AA meetings, no sound checks, no recording times or meetings with Bucky. Everyone knew, 1:00-2:30 was their time and occasionally when they'd get lucky 1:00-3:00.

Deacon got ribbed by band mates about all the stuff that came along with babies: diaper duty, the spit up, and worst of all schedule sex with the wife. Little did his bandmates know, Deacon didn't mind scheduled sex romps if they happened practically every day. Sure, there were times when all she and Deacon did was work on lyrics to a new song or cuddle in the back of the tour bus. But it was still just the two of them, doing whatever they wanted together and alone.

Sadly, except for the fight they had, there really hadn't been a chance to be alone. Deacon was gone to his meetings as she was getting Maddie dressed, then she and Maddie would spend the day together. She guessed Deacon was in the recording studio for most of the day, save for his meetings. But, truth is, he never actually said where he was and she hadn't been inclined to ask. Then, Deacon would come back before dinner to eat. Beyond "pass the salad" or "Maddie's wants you kiss her goodnight" there was no talking between the she and Deacon. Luckily, Maddie filled the silence with tales of her adventures that day.

It should be so simple to get back on track with she and Deacon. A part of her wants to reach out to him, but it seems to require energy and strength that right now she lacks. It is ironic that before she went into labor, reaching out to Deacon felt like the easiest thing in the world to do. He was her compass, the thing she ran to for comfort or help. But these days, everything hurts so much that even trying to make things right with them seems impossible. Besides, she isn't even sure anything can make things better.

Rayna yells at Maddie that she has five minutes left before nap time. Maddie whines for a moment but then dives back under the water.

(())

Deacon lets the bitter taste of coffee stay on his tongue. The liquid is barely warm but his throat is dry from nerves. Even after all these years, the action of putting a cup up to his lips and swallowing makes him calmer somehow. It's a scary truth he discovered years before he got sober and one that still worries him now.

When they were younger, Rayna often gave him butterflies. When he went to rehearsal as her guitar player, he would be equal amounts of nerves and excitement. He would get those weird butterflies things in his stomach. Seeing Rayna now still made his heart skip a beat and sometimes he would lose his breath just looking at her. But damn, he never got nervous about seeing her.

But things were different now. In the three days since she's been home, they acted more like strangers than a married couple. They were sleeping in separate rooms, barely talking, and it was driving him crazy. Sure, people always said that being married was hard.

"There are rough patches," band mates had joked, thinking of their own relationships.

But he and Ray were different. At least they had always been different before, well before and when he was sober. The two of them were always together: on stage, on the tour bus, in hotel rooms, at the cabin. They shared their music, their writing, their bed. It was natural and magical and the most real thing he ever had. But the last six and half weeks had been a nightmare.

First, he son dies before he's even able to take a breath and now Ray is slipping away too.

This morning, he and Cole had breakfast at the dinner after their regular meeting. His friend suggested finding a time for him and Rayna to have a conversation, "a time without interruptions where you two can really work things out."

Deacon takes another sip of coffee and rehearses the words he plans to say. He needs to be calm and understanding. He needs to get through to her without her becoming defensive or picking another fight. Most importantly, he needs to avoid getting short or losing his temper out of frustration.

It's nearly 1:20 when Rayna bounds down the steps, picking up one of Maddie's dolls on the way. Rayna seems surprised to see Deacon but merely utters a "you're back early" before heading into the kitchen.

Deacon says Rayna's name quietly, almost reverently causing her to stop momentarily. She sadly meets his expression and admits that she doesn't want to do this right now.

"I'm just not up for a fight," admits Rayna as she looks sadly at her husband. There are dark circles under her eyes and her hair hangs limply over her shoulders. She looks tired and sick and more than anything, defeated.

Deacon takes a step closer and admits that he doesn't want to fight either. "We can't keep living like this. I can't keep doing this."

He looks into his wife's eyes and for the first time since he can remember, he can't read what she's thinking. There is no silent conversation between blue eyes, no communicating with an arch of an eyebrow or a head tilt. Deacon loses his train of thought as he search Rayna's face.

Flatly, Rayna admits she feels the same.

"What?" Deacon asks, still watching Rayna's expression

Rayna lets out a long sigh, "I knew it was a bad idea for me to move back in."

A moment of silence passes as Deacon sinks into the couch, his face cast down towards the floor. Rayna looks out the window at nothing in particular. It should be so easy to go and sit beside Deacon, so easy to wrap her arms around him. But he feels so far away and when he doesn't say anything back, Rayna takes it as a sign that Deacon thinks her leaving is a good idea.

She offers to go back up to the cabin, "and I'll just drive back down in the morning to watch Maddie so you can go to your four hundred meetings."

Deacon doesn't say anything for a moment as his eyes cast downward. He hears Rayna's footsteps grow fainter and then hears the front door open and close. He doesn't bother wiping his tears as they fall. He spent all day rehearsing his speech starting with "I'm sorry" and ending with "I love you." All that went to hell 45 seconds in.

Coleman gave him a couple pieces of advice. One, that each couple relates to differently to each other and only he and Rayna can figure out how to work through their problems. He wants to work through their problems and Rayna doesn't. The second piece of advice was that the only he and Rayna could get through this together, "You both have to want to make things better before they will." More than anything, he wants to make things better. Apparently, Rayna just wants to leave him again.

(())

Rayna opens the oven and pulls out the deep red cake. Maddie excitedly jumps up and down and asks if she can do the frosting.

"Of course my sweet girl, but we got to let it cool first," Rayna instructs as she places the hot pan on the stove. A second later Maddie dramatically blows over the cake trying to cool it down. Her child is so much like her father but damn if she didn't inherit her mother's inability to be patient for anything.

She allows herself a second to wonder what kind of personality Jack would have had. At night, she pictures a sweet little boy, with Deacon's dark hair and beautiful eyes. But she's never been able to decide what he would have been like as a child. Sometimes, she imagines him as one of those boys who loves dirt and worms and spiders. Other times, she imagines him being most content on the drum set that he would have gotten for his third birthday. She would play scenarios of him crawling along trying to keep up with his sister. All the ideas and dreams she had seemed so tangible until she realized that she was still sitting in the rocking chair. Then her heart ached all over again.

Rayna swallows the painful lump in her throat and turns her attention back to her little girl.

Rayna suggest that she and Maddie go outside and re-fill the bird feeders while they wait for the dessert to cool down.

Their conversation is cut short as Deacon opens the back door and comes inside. The little girl yells out to her father and runs over to him. Rayna watches as Deacon scoops up the little girl as she immediately begins telling him what they are having for supper.

"Mmmm…red velvet cake. That's my favorite!" Deacon says as he carries Maddie into the kitchen. Rayna sees that his eyes are red from crying and he looks pale. He doesn't even bother looking in Rayna's direction or acknowledging her presence. Instead he just talks to their daughter as if Rayna isn't even standing there. Eventually Rayna gets the hint and excuses herself to go check on the laundry.

(())

Deacon runs his hand over his face in frustration. Rayna was down the hall packing and Maddie was being incredibly restless. First she had to change her pajamas for no good reason. Then she had to re-brush her teeth because she thought she forgot to brush, "one of the ones in the way back!" Now he was on the fifth song in the night's sing along and Maddie was nowhere near falling asleep.

"I want mama to sing too!" Maddie demands as she sits up in her bed. Maddie jumps up and runs down the hall before Deacon can put his guitar down.

A moment later, an excited Maddie and a reluctant Rayna come back inside. Their daughter bounces back over to the bed and Rayna takes a seat beside Deacon. Her knee brushes his inadvertently as she gets comfortable on the small loveseat they are sitting on. He's unsure of which song to play but luckily Maddie has plenty of ideas.

"The Little Mermaid!" she squeals as she predictably makes fishy faces and starts swinging her arms as if she's swimming. Deacon starts to play the chords and sings the familiar phrases in his best Jamaican accent. Maddie sings loudly, bobbing her head from side to side.

For her part, Rayna's stomach clinches involuntarily when she realizes that they are nearing the end of the song. She doesn't know what she dreads more, Deacon kissing her or Deacon not kissing her.

As Deacon finishes the last chorus he leans down and kisses Maddie's cheek. Then he asks for the next request quickly without looking in Rayna's direction. Their daughter notices the different and frowns.

"You gotta kiss mama too!" Maddie says in the determined voice that reminds Deacon so much of the sixteen year old, Constance Rayna Wyatt.

Deacon turns to the side and is surprised to see Rayna slow close to him. He is surprised to see Rayna looking at him. When he realizes that she isn't turning her head or running away, he leans into her. For just a brief second, his lips touch hers. It's the slightest of touches but it feels like heaven. Still, he pulls back immediately, not wanting to press his luck. Deacon's eyes look down at his wife's lips for a moment before he sees Rayna leaning back into him.

The second kiss catches him by surprise. It's a longer kiss, just her lips pressing to hers. Just as fast as Rayna leans in, she pulls away. Unlike earlier today, her eyes are open to him, allowing him to see her emotions. She's looks nervous, maybe a little scared. But there is no fear, no anger. Rayna's eyes turn towards their child and ask what song is next.

Maddie request the duck song, some little thing she learned at pre-school a few months back. Deacon smiles as Rayna makes the quack noises. It's the most the most he's interacted with his wife in weeks. He feels better than he has in weeks. Three more songs and Maddie's eyes get heavier. When Maddie yawns twice, Rayna takes it as a sign that the sing along is over.

"Night baby girl," whispers Rayna against her daughter's forehead before kissing her goodnight.

Deacon does the same and then follows his wife down the hall. As he walks into the bedroom, he watches Rayna appear from the closet with two pairs of jeans and a couple of shirts. Surprised and hurt, Deacon realizes that she's still packing.

When he calls her name, Rayna turns to face him. She tells him that she isn't planning on leaving until tomorrow. Deacon fights the urge to shove the suitcase off the bed. 5 minutes ago, they were a family. They were singing and kissing and everything felt right again. But now, things had gone straight back to hell the second Maddie was out of earshot.

Rayna walks into her closet and returns a few minutes later in her pajamas. He doesn't need to ask his wife where she is going, he knows all too well she intends to sleep in the nursery.

For twenty minutes, Deacon sits on the bed. He's tired but reluctant to lay down. Coleman's words from earlier keep ringing in his ear. The part about that each relationship is different and only he and Ray can figure out how to make things better.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Deacon grabs the comforter with one hand and tucks several pillows under his other arm. He marches down the hallway and takes a deep breath before turning the nursery door open.

He stops short when he sees Rayna, in the rocking chair facing the window. He can see the teddy bear in her hands and when she turns to face him, he can make out the tears still on her cheeks.

Confusion covers her face as Deacon throws the blankets on the floor and spreads out the pillows. Quietly, Deacon bends down in front of the rocking chair and brushes the wetness from Rayna's face.

"I know right now you're hurting, I just wish I could make it better." Rayna looks at him sadly and fresh tears spill out. Deacon's thumb wipes across her face again. But she stays sitting in the chair and him in front of her.

"If you want to stay in here tonight, that's fine. Tomorrow night, if you wanna sleep in that chair, that's okay too. But from now on, where you sleep, I sleep."

There is surprise in Rayna's eyes and also a hint of relief. Deacon rolls down to the ground and despite the hardness of the floor makes a joke.

"This is way more comfortable than the dive motels we used to stay at. Some of those places were like sleeping on a rock."

Rayna watches as her husband tries to get comfortable despite being on the floor, cramped between the crib and rocking chair.

Nearly an hour later, Deacon's breathing is deep and even. Rayna watches as the moonlight dances over his skin. Part of her wants to stay in the rocking chair, clutching the teddy bear; but another part of her wants to be in Deacon's arms.

She fights the urge for another hour, rocking slower and slower as she watches her husband sleep. Trying not to over think her next move, Rayna puts the bear back in the crib and joins Deacon on the pallet he made. She scoots closer to him until her chest presses against his back. The fingers of her hand roll over his shoulder and his side before finding their way to his chest.

Rayna realizes Deacon's chest is rising and falling quicker than it did before. She feels Deacon move ever so slightly and then Rayna feels her hand being moved closer to Deacon's face.

Every so gently, Deacon brings Rayna's arm to his lips. She smiles as he kisses her wrist. In response, Rayna kisses the nape of his neck.

"Night Ray," whispers Deacon in a sleepy voice.

"Night babe," Rayna responds.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for all the wonderful comments! Sorry, I couldn't finish this chapter as expected, it just didn't flow like I wanted it to. Still having issues but this just needs to be out so I can finish Chapter 7**.

**Chapter 6**

Rayna twist her neck to the side, trying to get the stiffness out. Last night, she'd slept pretty well on the floor. It was actually the best sleep she'd had since the baby was born, minus the times she took the pills. Still, Deacon got up at 6:15 and was out the door thirty minutes later.

She had taken Maddie over to the office to see both Tandy and her father. Then, while in town, she stopped by Edgehill to say hello. That had been a mistake. Everyone there kept offering their condolences and giving her hugs. They were trying to be nice she supposed, but none of their kind words made her feel any better.

. Even before she got his text message, she knew that Deacon would be back for Maddie's nap time.

As if on cue, Deacon walks through the door and smiles when he sees her. She smiles back and accepts his kiss he gives her. It's quick and cautious even but it feels nice to at least be on the same page. Deacon asks Rayna if she wants to talk and shakes her head no.

"I honestly just want to lay down beside you. That floor was no exactly comfortable last night."

Deacon smiles, leaning down to give another quick kiss to his wife. He takes her by the hand and walks her over to the couch in the living room. He sits down first, taking off his boots before reclining into the cushions. With their hands still connected, Rayna climbs on top of him slowly and settles into his arms.

Deacon grips his wife tighter, enjoying the closeness he'd been robbed of lately. Soon, Rayna's breathing evens out and her body relaxes against his. It bothers him a little that she didn't want to talk more. But he wasn't going to complain. When they woke up this morning, Rayna agreed to stay at the house and he'd thrown that damn suitcase in the back corner of the closet.

As he closes his eyes as well, he hears the faintest steps of a four year old, awake from her nap a few minutes too early. A second later, Maddie comes bounding down the stairs with her doll in one hand and two markers in the other.

Deacon holds his finger up to his mouth, telling Maddie to stay quiet. In turn the little girl puts a finger of her mouth too.

Maddie walks over to her Daddy and ask "is Mama is taking a nap too?"

Deacon nods and tells Maddie she has to be quiet to make sure not to wake up Rayna. Maddie asks if she can go upstairs and color some. Deacon nods but warns Maddie that the markers are for the paper only.

Maddie opens her mouth wide in surprise and throws out her arms. "I just did that 1 time and I was only three years old then." Deacon smiles widely as Maddie bounds back up the stairs.

(())

Watty claps loudly as Maddie finishes showing him the new chord her Daddy taught her. Even with the smallest guitar made, the little girl's fingers barely fitting around the neck made it nearly impossible to play.

Still, whether it was talent inherited from her father or a love of music instilled from her parents, the girl was very good for her age. Watty smiles as the little girl grins. Maddie's smile is shy and sweet, much like Grace's was.

"Tandy bought me a kanoke machine, wanna see?" asks Maddie.

Rayna corrects, "Kar-e-ok-e."

The little girl looks at her mother and insists that is what she said before asking Watty if he wants to color.

"I would love that," laughs Watty as Maddie runs up the stairs to get her, "markers and paper and stickers!"

When Watty was alone with Rayna he shares that Maddie seems in much better spirits than the last time he saw her. Rayna nods and admits that he was right, Maddie needs her.

"and how are you doing being home?" ask Watty.

Rayna shurgs, "I'm fine. We are just getting back to normal."

Watty's eyes squint as if he's trying to assess whether or not he believes Rayna. She gives him a small smile before Maddie comes bounding into the kitchen with her art supplies in hand.

Rayna helps color one picture before she excuses herself to go "take care of some things."

Twenty minutes later, Watty asks Maddie if she knows what is taking Rayna so long.

The little girl presses her lips together as her face scrunches in anger. "She says that when she wants to go to Jack's room."

Watty picks up the blue marker and draws clouds above the house Maddie's already drawn.

"What does she do in Jack's room?" asks Watty, in part out of curiosity and in part out of concern.

Maddie picks up the pink marker, "She cries a lot in there and she sleeps in there."

Watty decides to change topics as Maddie adds a horse to the picture.

(())

Deacon practically ran into the living room alarmed that Rayna screaming so loudly. Deacon's heart stops when he saw Maddie standing beside her mother, tears pouring down her checks.

In Rayna's hand was clutched a small brown object. Deacon hurried into the room and grabs Rayna by the arm, yelling at his wife to "stop screaming."

Deacon looked down at Rayna's hand and realized the brown object was Jack's teddy bear, the one Rayna clung to most night. There was stuffing coming out of one arm and the whole toy was covered in black and red marker stains. Deacon could see the rage and hurt in Rayna's eyes and looked down at his daughter who eyes were wide with tears and worry. Deacon leaned down to his daughter first and asked what happened.

Rayna interrupted, "She went into the nursery and ruined everything!" The last few words were a shrill scream and Deacon cringed at Rayna's tone.

His daughter's eyes widen and then she looked down at the floor. Calmly, he asked Maddie what happened. The girl just shrugged, her ponytail bobbing as she kept her eyes directly on the floor. When Deacon asked why Maddie went into Jack's room, Maddie shrugged and kept her head turned down.

Deacon told Maddie to go up to her room for a time out. Maddie looked up sadly, poking out her bottom lip. "But Daddy..." The little girl changes her mind when she sees her father's stern look and heads up the stairs. Deacon turns his attention back to Rayna as he stands fully upright.

"What in the hell was that?" he asks in a harsh tone. In all his years of knowing Rayna, he'd never seen her yelling like that, much less at their little girl. Rayna explains that she went to clean up Jack's nursey, to move the pillows and blankets back into the master room. When she gets in there, there is marker everywhere, "on the crib, on the changing table and then I notice his teddy bear and..." Rayna swallows another lump in her throat as she holds the mutilated toy in her hand. Then he watches as she sinks onto the couch, clutching that damn bear in her hands and sobbing into the stuffing.

Deacon runs his fingers through his hair and tries to think through the situation. He thinks first of calling Tandy, of having her watch either Rayna or Maddie while he helps the other. Rayna continues to sob and out of the corner of his eye, he spots a little four year old peaking around the corner. He slowly watches as Maddie creeps towards her mother, hiding first behind the couch, than the small table. Eventually, Maddie gets on the floor and sits at Rayna's feet, tugging on her pants leg.

"Mama, I'm sorry I made you sad," Maddie apologizes softly.

Rayna cries a few more second and then wipes the tears away, sniffling and pulling Maddie up into her lap.

"Sweet girl, why did you mess up all of the baby's stuff?" Rayna asks as she brushes Maddie's bangs out of her eyes.

The little girl looks down at her lap. The little girl shrugs again and Rayna's sad expression meets Deacon's. He looks as helpless and lost as she feels. Rayna hugs the little girl and tells her daughter that she shouldn't have yelled. "Sometimes, even Mamas make mistakes."

The little girl lifts both of her hands, her fingernails painted a glittery purple, to her mom's face.

"I sorry mama." Maddie says sincerely.

Rayna smiles and leans down to kiss her daughter, "I know. Me too. I love you baby."

Maddie perks up almost immediately and ask both her parents if they can all go swimming. Rayna nods. Both girls look at Deacon who still seems rattled. Deacon nods too and the Maddie cheers. Maddie runs off and Rayna meets Deacon's glare.

In a clinched jaw, Deacon warns Rayna in the quietest voice he could manage, "What just happened here is unacceptable Ray. You cannot yell at our four year old daughter like that." Rayna swallows harshly and feels herself grow red with embarrassment.

"I didn't handle it well. I'm sorry."

Deacon shook his head. An apology wasn't good enough at this point. She yelled at Maddie the way he used to get yelled at as a kid. He tells Rayna that "something has to change. You are going to have to get it together."

Rayna felt her hot tears falls down her face and angry that Deacon was scolding her. Instead of saying anything in response she walks away and heads up the stairs. Deacon takes a moment to calm down himself.

Then he heads upstairs to the nursery. The white crib has huge blobs brown marker, still wet. There were purple streaks across the rails of the crib. There was purple writing on the green walls spelling out Maddie's name. It wasn't just a little mistake, Maddie had tried her best to ruin the room.

He understood Rayna's reaction a little better now, especially considering how much time she'd spent in here before and after Jack was born. This was where Rayna connected to Jack and apparently Maddie was jealous and this was the only way their daughter could show that. Still, he'd never seen Ray lose her temper like that before.

(())

Rayna watches as Deacon walks out the front door. Last night, she'd slept in their bedroom but they'd slept back to back, avoiding each other. Deacon barely spoke to her and when he did, his tone was sharp and harsh.

She knew he was still angry over the nursery incident. She'd barely slept last night thinking about how quickly she lost her temper. Even seeing Maddie cry hadn't tapered her anger. Still, she needs to make it up to both Maddie and Deacon. Deciding on a plan, Rayna turns to her little girl, who is still in her pajamas.

"Hey sweet girl, what do you say we go downtown for breakfast and maybe some other fun?"

The little girl jumps up and asks if she can wear her pink cowboy boots.

"Yes."

"And can I wear my tutu?"

Rayna's eyes widen, realizing she's talking about the blue and green sparkly skirt made from tulle that was part of her some princess costume. Deciding to pick her battles carefully, Rayna nods.

(())

Rayna wipes her eyes as mascara ran down her cheeks. She quickly throws her hair up into a bun, the same hair she'd just spent thirty minutes straightening and fluffing. She splashes water on her wrists and neck, trying to lessen the smell of the perfume she'd just put on.

Tonight was supposed to be wonderful or at least a huge step in the right direction. It was supposed to be the night that she and Deacon reconnected as lovers. Yesterday, she had lost her temper with Maddie. Even though the little girl seems to have forgotten it, Rayna hasn't and based on Deacon's attitude towards her he hadn't forgotten it either.

She'd gone to get a pedicure and manicure this morning, bringing Maddie along to get bright pink nails herself.

While Maddie and Deacon took a walk before dinner, she'd snuck upstairs for a quick soak. She'd shaved and picked out the perfect piece of lingerie for the night.

She didn't often wear lingerie. Sure she had a million and half bras and underwear. But Deacon was never a huge fan of complicated lace and satin numbers. Perhaps it was because when they were young and living in that one room apartment, she could scarcely afford to spend eighty bucks on a nightie.

Then they began living out of a bus. It didn't lead itself to a whole lot of room in suitcases for things that weren't necessary. She could only imagine Vince and the rest of the band digging through her suitcases and finding some sexy lingerie. Neither she nor Deacon would have ever heard the end of it.

Even now, it was rare for Rayna to buy a new outfit or sexy something. Deacon never complained or asked for anything besides her. Rayna looks in her bathroom mirror at the outfit she was wearing now. She'd gotten it for their last anniversary. They'd gone away to the cabin for the night five weeks into their baby making project. She'd gotten the black sheer ensemble at a high end boutique. She was practically naked with just a matching thong hiding the tiniest bit of modesty. Her feet were bare, missing the heels she wore the first time.

She'd stupidly expected Deacon would see her and act like Deacon. Rayna let a few more hot tears spill down her cheeks in embarrassment and hurt. It wasn't like she thought sex would solve all of their problems, but she expected it to help. She was trying to take the next step forward with her husband and show him she was trying too.

Rayna sees the bathroom door knob turn. It won't matter, she threw the lock on her way in. A second later she hears her husband's voice say her name quietly.

"Go away." Rayna says through clinched teeth.

She bring the dress over her head and steps out of the thong she was wearing. Logically, she knows that she has no clothes in the bathroom to change into but she needs to get that dress off.

She grabs a large towel and wraps it around her body. Deacon knocks again, a tad more insistent this time.

"Look I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I just…" Deacon's voice trails off as Rayna unlocks the door and throws it open.

"Hurt my feeling?" Rayna says clearly dumbfounded.

Deacon had always been receptive to making love to her. Whether she was 8 months pregnant or sweaty after a concert, he'd always wanted her. Until now. And it wasn't like she hadn't made her intentions clear. She'd come out practically naked after spending time making herself course, between the changes of her second pregnancy did to her body and their already fractured relationship, she'd been a tad nervous.

But Deacon always wanted her, always. And then she comes to him and he pushes her away.

Deacon swallows harshly and Rayna unleashes her anger. "I was trying to fix us, help us. And you…" her voice fades off, too upset with emotion to finish. Deacon reaches out to grab his wife's shoulder but instead she pushes his hand away.

"Deacon, how many times did you come to me after you drank again? Or got arrested? Or left rehab?" He swallows harshly realizing how upset Rayna was. "I never accused you of manipulating my feelings. I never pushed you away. When you would come back to me, I could feel how sorry you were when we made love even if you couldn't…" Rayna pauses again. "If you couldn't say how sorry you were any other way."

Deacon clinches his jaw at his own stupidity. He'd called her manipulative, seeing her come on as something to make him forget about her anger with Maddie. Instead, Rayna saw making love to him that night as some sort of apology, some way to get things right between the two of them. Once again, he said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing. He could be having sex with his wife right now; instead, he's fighting with her in their bathroom.

Lost in his own thoughts, he doesn't see Rayna sink to the tiled floor. He's only brought into the present when he hears her sobbing and sees her knees pulled tight to her chest. She doesn't even look up from him, instead she starts speaking through her sobbing.

"I always forgave you! ALWAYS! Every time you lied to me, every time you drank when you promised me you wouldn't. You broke my furniture, you wrecked my car! You screamed and yelled at me. I never held it against you, ever! I always forgave you."

Deacon swallows, knowing she's right.

From the floor, Rayna pulls her knees closer still. Deacon thinks the position looks painful but knows better than to say anything. Slowly he sits on the floor near her, but not touching.

Deacon says her name several times before she looks towards him. She looks devastated and embarrassed.

"I know I messed up yelling at Maddie like that. I hate myself for it, but I don't deserve you hating me for it too." Silence feels the air. Quietly, Rayna tells Deacon she is trying her best.

Her husband counters that idea, "Ray, you won't even talk to me."

Rayna rolls her eyes and with tears coming down her face. "I can't talk to you."

"What?" he asks confused.

She lets go a sigh of frustration. "We bury our son and then almost immediately you tell me that you are thinking about drinking again."

Deacon pales as starts to understand.

This is why she hasn't been talking to him, why she has closed in on herself. All because of his damn drinking. This is about her needing him for once, really needing him. She doesn't even know what to ask for. Deacon bends down and places his hands under her bent knees and another under her arms. Slowly he lifts her up and carries her to their bed.

He walks into her closet and finds a pair of cotton pajamas. He walks back and slowly dresses her as she watches him with just a few tears. Deacon convinces Rayna to lay down on the bed and gathers her in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Deacon looks around the waiting room, his leg jittering as he looks at the clock again. It's the third time in the last three days that he's been in a doctor's office and he prays this one finally works.

Rayna agreed to go to therapy but so far nothing had taken. First, there was Dr. Pierce, one of Nashville's premiere psychiatrist. Lamar Wyatt's money and Rayna Jaymes' name gotten them in appointment on the same day they called. The waiting room was luxurious with leather couches and an espresso machine. But twenty minutes later, Rayna was heading for the car saying "this just isn't going to work." Despite Rayna explaining that she would not being use drugs in her therapy, Dr. Pierce had already written her a prescription.

So yesterday afternoon, they'd gone to a younger female, Dr. Ralston. She came at Coleman's recommendation since she specialized in holistic approaches and female clients. Rayna made it twenty two minutes before bailing. In the car, Rayna admitted the doctor was nice enough but she wasn't comfortable there either. "She kept asking me to feel the energy of the room."

But today Rayna was 48 and half minutes into the session. This doctor was much younger than the other two. During his brief introduction, Deacon couldn't help but notice the guy didn't have on a wedding ring. Deacon knew it shouldn't matter but the idea of Rayna spilling her guts to some young guy with a bunch of degrees bothered him already. But if Rayna felt comfortable with him, he would deal with Dr. Miller.

Ten minutes later and the small waiting room was empty, except for Deacon. Rayna emerges from the side door with several sheets of paper. Her cheeks are void of tears but her shoulders are hunched over, like they get when she's tired.

"So?" asks Deacon as Rayna crosses the small waiting area.

Rayna shrugs and admits it wasn't as bad as she imagined. "Plus, I like him a lot better than the other two."

Deacon repeats his last question again, "So?"

Rayna lets out a hint of a smile, "Sooooo….I have my next appointment day after tomorrow."

Deacon lets out a sigh of relief and asks what she wants for lunch.

Rayna lets out a small smile, "Actually, I was thinking maybe we could grab some sandwiches at Parker's Deli, and then maybe I could go with you to the studio?"

Deacon lets out a wide smile. It's the first time since Jack's death that she's shown any real interest his album. "I would love that."

(())

Rayna blows on Maddie's leg as she wipes the drying blood off. Maddie continues to cry softly to herself, although Rayna does notice its gets louder every time Deacon comes back in the kitchen from gathering supplies.

Rayna puts the Neosporin on her daughter, causing Maddie to hiss in pain then whines, "that hurts." Rayna ignores her daughter's whining until she feels the four year old push her hand away.

"Stop touching it."

Deacon puts a lollipop in front of Maddie, followed by the bigger band aides he'd gotten from the hall closet.

Rayna looks at the wound intently, moving her head around as if to closely inspect it. Mother and daughter grimace at the same time. The four inch cut on Maddie's knee looks even wider now than it did twenty minutes when Maddie fell on the wet cement near the deep end of the pool.

"I think she may need stitches," Rayna grudgingly admits. Immediately, Deacon pales and Maddie burst into hysteric screams.

(())

Rayna yawns as Deacon carries their sleeping child up the stairs and gently places her the middle of their king sized bed. He takes a dozen pillows and places them around Maddie's body so she was cocooned. They'd been lucky, spending only three and half hours in the ER. Still, it felt like she hadn't slept in days.

"You hungry?" asks Rayna as her own stomach growls.

Deacon nods but admits he doesn't want to leave Maddie alone in case she wakes up. He reminds Rayna that Maddie is supposed to limit mobility until the morning. Rayna smiles at how concerned her husband is about their child.

"How about I go downstairs and bring up some stuff to eat?" she asks.

Rayna comes back a few minutes later, bringing up a tray a food. There are two pimento cheese sandwiches on a plate, a cup of blueberries for her, a cut up peach for him, two glasses of sweet tea, and the one large slice of red velvet cake.

She smiles when she sees Deacon has started a fire. With the plates in front of them, she and Deacon eat dinner on the couch facing catty-cornered so they could watch Maddie sleeping. The two of them barely spoke to each other. But this time, it was more like a comfortable stillness between a married people than an awkward silence between strangers. They share the dessert, using only one fork and sharing a laugh when Rayna uses her finger to scoop up the icing stuck to the rim of the bowl.

Maddie lets out a loud snore causing her parents to look at each other and claim

"She gets that from you."

Both Rayna and Deacon laugh harder as their baby girl sleeps. Rayna smiles as her nails find their way to the nape of Deacon's neck.

"I know you wanna ask about my appointment today," Rayna says as Deacon's leans into his wife's touch. He looks into her eyes for a long moment, enjoying the spark he sees there.

Truth was, he wants to know what kind of things Ray shared with her therapist today and what her mystery homework assignment from her doctor is.

But he doesn't want to push or overstep his bounds.

Rayna takes another sip of sweet tea before sharing with Deacon that there was nothing earth-shattering she shared. Instead, all she did was, "basically tell him about me, about us."

Deacon decides, he doesn't want to pry or push Rayna to reveal things that she isn't ready to yet. So instead, he tells Rayna how beautiful she looks in the fire light. Rayna rolls her eyes, at her t-shirt and blue jeans stained with their daughter's tears and the stench of the emergency room. Still, she appreciates the compliment especially since the disaster the other night with the lingerie.

(())

Rayna grimaces as Dr. Brighton ask her to explain her answer.

"I don't know what you mean," she replies.

The young doctor leans forward, twirling his reading glasses in his hand. Rayna swallows and reminds herself of the promise she made to Deacon. She would really try in therapy.

She hates this, every bit of it. She hates putting into words things that don't have words. She hates sitting in this office, the one painted in sage green with the huge mahogany desk.

Rayna's eyes dart from the ceiling fan to the lamp on the side desk, trying to figure out which one is uglier.

"Fine," she eventually says. "I felt powerless, like the worst possible thing in the world just happened to me. Like…like I was drowning and then Deacon comes home and tells me he's been thinking about drinking."

Dr. Miller studies her face for a moment before asking how Deacon's revelation made her feel.

"Lost, terrified."

The doctor scribbles a few words down on his legal pad before looking up again, asking if she'd ever felt that way before.

"No."

"Never?" asks the Doctor, clearly unsatisfied with her answer.

"When I was about nineteen, I fell really hard off the stage. I slipped on a wet napkin at this bar and the next thing you know my feet are above my head. I landed flat on my back and I couldn't catch my breath. I know it was only a few minutes but it felt so confusing and scary." A moment of silence passes before Rayna continues. "That's how I always felt when I didn't know where Deacon was back when he was drinking. Except, even when the worst happened….Even when he was drunk or, in jail, or in the hospital, I could always catch my breath eventually."

"and now?" asks the Doctor looking intently at her.

Rayna presses her lips together and looks down at her lap. One tear clings to her eyelashes as she admits that it's been almost two months and she still can't breathe.

(())

Watty sips another cup of his latte as Deacon gulps down the rest of his black coffee.

"She seems better," the elder man says timidly, trying to gage a reaction from the younger.

Deacon shrugs. The truth is, Rayna does seem better. Besides, acting like a mother to Maddie again she was also doing her usual stuff. There were lunches with Tandy and snippy comments on the phone to Lamar. Yesterday, she'd even had a meeting with Bucky and Edgehill about getting back into the studio.

Of course, that hadn't been the plan. Rayna was supposed to be totally out of commission for three months and then after that, Deacon's first single would be close to a release date. Sure, Deacon's album was never meant to sell millions. It'd be nice for it to be successful, but Deacon just wanted to remind the industry insiders who he was and the music he stood for.

Now, Rayna was already talking about a fall tour and releasing a new album in time for Christmas.

Of course, while everything else was falling back into place, there was one except. He and Rayna weren't completely healed up yet. There was still no sex; of course some of that was attributed to Maddie milking her injury for all it was worth. It had been seven days since his daughter fell. Every night and every nap time, she slept in between them. Maddie was using her healed up wound as an excuse to sleep between them at night; but what killed him was Rayna was using Maddie as an excuse to keep him at a distance.

(())

"So why haven't you had sex yet?" the Doctor asks, causing Rayna to blush. She knew it was idiotic but talking about her sex life to anyone that wasn't Deacon was just uncomfortable. Sure, Buck had walked in on them more times than she cared to think; and, sometimes she shared a tad too much with Tandy.

But this was different.

Squeezing her legs together and folding her hands in front of her Rayna looks down at the floor for a moment.

"I don't…I mean I've tried to initiate things but he um…he thought I was manipulating him."

"Were you?" the Doctor asks back in an immediate response.

Rayna says "no" just as quickly back. She wasn't. She was just trying to reconnect with Deacon.

The Doctor doesn't seem satisfied and asks why she wanted to have sex with her husband.

Rayna's pink cheeks become rosier. What a dumb question. Why does any woman want to have sex with her husband? Her very hot husband? Her very hot husband whom she hadn't had sex with in weeks?

(())

Rayna smiles and reminds her daughter to say thank you.

Maddie bobs her head to the side in imitation of her mother and loudly proclaims a, "thank you Uncle Teddy."

The little girl holds up her new toy and shows it to Rayna who insist "It's very cool!"

The waitress brings the food and soon Maddie is stuffing grapes and French fries in her mouth. Rayna politely smiles as she ask how Beth is doing.

Teddy smiles widely, the kind of smile he gives Rayna when he's trying to cover up. Teddy just keeps smiling and shrugs. Teddy shares that Beth is in Kentucky for a few weeks, visiting her parents.

Rayna nods bites her lip. Since Teddy's marriage to Beth 18 months ago, she's been in Kentucky as much as she's been in Nashville. Rayna looks down at her food when Teddy asks how she's handling everything.

(())

"You talked about our sex life with your therapist?"

Rayna sashays her head from side to side. Technically there was no sex life to speak of right now and it wasn't like there was a whole lot of talking about actual sex.

"It was more like, Dr. Miller is helping me deal with everything which includes my relationship with you."

Deacon huffs again, doubting for the eighteenth time that Dr. Feelgood is really the person who should be helping his wife.

Rayna's tone turns from playful to annoyance when she reminds Deacon that every single day he spills his guts to complete strangers. "I never ask you about your meetings,."

"This is different" insists Deacon. It is different. He speaks at a meeting about sobriety and craving drinks. He talks about how lucky he is now and how he almost missed his chance to be a husband and a father. I mean, what the hell was she sharing? Positions? Was she rating him? That bastard was probably imaging Rayna without her clothes.

Rayna senses Deacon's moving thoughts and puts her hand up.

"You want me to go to therapy. I'm going. You ask me what we are talking about. I tell you." Rayna moves her hand to her hip, "Don't ask if you don't want to know."

Deacon's frustration shows on his face and Rayna can't help but feel bad. Pushing her hair out of her face, she walks over to husband and slowly, puts her hands on his hips. It feels familiar and normal to them both. On her tip toes she presses her lips to his. Soon, he groans into her mouth when she wraps one hand around his neck and the other moves up his arm.

The pull apart when they hear their daughter making spit sounds.

"Yucky!" Maddie hollers out. "That is so gross."

Rayna wipes her lips and tells her daughter that kissing isn't gross.

Maddie insists that it is. " 'Cause when Liam try to kiss me, he spit on me."

Rayna opens her mouth to say something but before she can Deacon lets out a squeak of protest.

(())

"Where's Maddie?" Rayna asks as she emerges from the bathroom wearing one towel around her body and another on her head.

From his sitting position on the bed, Deacon looks up and is relieved to see just confusion in Rayna's eyes. Deacon explains that Maddie is back in her own bed.

"We had a long conversation about Liam," Deacon says. "Ray, we might need to go talk to his parents."

Rayna's eyes sparkle with amusement. She would pay to hear Deacon scold their next door neighbors about their kindergarten age son putting the moves on their 4 year old daughter.

"Babe. It's harmless. Besides, Maddie says its gross so I doubt we need to worry about."

Deacon's face pales again, "Ray, seriously? "

Rayna just smiles, "She four Deacon. When she's fourteen we will need to worry." Deacon mumbles that he never liked Liam or his parents.

Rayna just nods and head into the closet. A faint smile crosses his lips when she emerges a moment later, wearing her blue robe. It's the first time he's seen her wear that in months. Then, almost as if she'd never dropped the routine, he begins to check off what she'll do next.

First, she takes out her earrings and carefully puts them back in the jewelry box along with the necklace he bought her for their first anniversary. He watches as she twists her hair into a clip before heading back to the bathroom. Slowly, Deacon walks into the doorway frame of the bathroom. He has forgotten how much he loves watching Rayna get dressed.

He catches her gaze in the mirror as she rubs her hands up and down her arms applying the moisturizer that makes her smell like the beach. He grins wider when he realizes Rayna has purposefully stuck her leg out further than necessary from her robe.

Rayna's voice is low, quiet almost, when she asks Deacon what he's doing.

"Just lookin'."

A comfortable silence passes, as Rayna turns around in her chair to face her husband. His t-shirt clings to his muscles in his chest; his thighs clinch under his boxers.

His whispers her name quietly and walks towards her. He leans down so he's at eye level with his wife and smiles widely.

Their lips meet cautiously at first but soon her tongue demands entry into his mouth while he hands slides up her thigh and under her robe.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all for the wonderful comments and encouragement! I actually divided this chapter into 2 parts because it wasn't flowing very well. I should post the next chapter by the middle of the week.**

**CHAPTER 8**

Rayna watches from the passenger's seat as Deacon runs into the drug store. With sunglasses covering her face, in Deacon's non-descript pickup truck, Rayna is unrecognizable. Still, Rayna looks around to see if she's been spotted.

They ran out of condoms. It was Deacon's fault really. Last week, he insisted on buying the smallest box because the woman behind the counter was a senior citizen and "She was judging me with her eyes."

Since they'd resumed having sex, Rayna hadn't wanted to go back on birth control yet. She knew it was silly but she just couldn't be on birth control right now. Perhaps it was that she couldn't face going back into the OB-GYN office again. Perhaps it was some recognition of how much time had passed since Jack was born. But she just couldn't do it. Deacon had been so understanding about the whole thing, even though he clearly wasn't a huge fan of condoms either.

Rayna's leg twitches in anxiety. She's in her thirties, early thirties mind you but still thirties. She's married and who cares what kind of birth control they are choosing. Still, it feels like she's seventeen again and sneaking out of the house. But unlike when she was actually seventeen, it's less exciting and more annoying.

The truck door opens and Deacon slams it behind him.

"Get 'em?" asks Rayna as she reaches over to grab the plastic bag. The box promises they are 'ribbed for her pleasure'. Rayna raises her eyebrow and Deacon shrugs as he throws the truck in reverse.

"Options were limited. It was either this or the glow in the dark ones."

Rayna nods as they get back on the highway and head home. She leans over and brushes her hand against the nape of his neck. Her touch, even after all these years is still that odd combination of familiarity and electricity, both comforting and exciting.

For the last month, things had been good. Rayna's therapy sessions were three times a week for an hour. Some days, Rayna walked out of the doctor's office and was perfectly fine. Other days, she would cry all the way home, then would disappear into Jack's room.

It still worried Deacon sometimes, how much she spent in the nursery. But at least now she left the door open. He and Maddie could go in and visit with her. Deacon would come home to find Rayna and Maddie curled up in the rocking chair reading a book or laying on the floor coloring together.

Tandy was watching Maddie for the afternoon while Rayna and Deacon were celebrating. This morning, the two of them, Watty, and several execs listened through the entire album straight through and everyone had given their stamp of approval.

Rayna thought the album was perfect. Deacon wouldn't call it perfect but he thought it sounded damn good. Truth was, he was proud of himself. It had been eleven years since his last solo album. Sure, some of that was because of the duet album that he and Ray did. Rayna's success on her solo albums was another reason he hadn't gone back to the studio to do another solo. But most of it was because people in Nashville had long memoires.

The bad years were full of missed concerts and embarrassing headlines. He cussed out and attacked half the guys at Edgehill. He'd thrown up a writer for the paper. Rayna was always having to beg and apologize to the producers of CMT shows and arena tours for his behavior. People don't forgot that kind of stuff, especially not in Music City. It isn't just about money and careers and dreams. Nashville, for better or worse, was the heart and soul of country music. The writers and the players, the up and comers, they all resented the hell out of him for being.

Now, a little over five years sober and he'd finally gained back some of the trust he'd lost. He looks over at Rayna and smiles as they make their way down one of the side streets.

She catches his smile and asks what's going on "in there" as she points toward his head.

Deacon just smiles, "I'm not happy that the album is done."

Rayna whispers into Deacon's ear that she is so proud of him.

He smiles back at his wife and admits that he's, "Just a little bit proud of me too."

(())

Deacon sighs heavily as he stands up before the small group in the Community Center Recreation room. This isn't his usual meeting place, half way across town, in the middle of the afternoon. But today, he needs to be here. The anniversary of Vince's death always hits him hard. Even worse, Vince's birthday is just weeks later.

Each year, the memories of Vince fade a little more and the old pictures yellow. But right now, right in this moment the pain still feels fresh.

Since Maddie's birth, his emotions about Vince's death are different. If possible, the guilt of Vince is worse now. Vince will never get to have a child or experience all the terrifying and amazing moments of fatherhood. Finally getting a hold on his sobriety, marrying the love of his life, and getting the privilege of becoming a father means his life was damn good.

Vince and Deacon had bonded over their fucked up childhoods. Even when Vince was alive, Deacon realized how lucky he was to have Rayna. Vince had his share of girlfriends, some long term and some that lasted a weekend. But Vince never got close to what Deacon shared with Rayna. He got a best friend, a writing and singing partner, his lover, the mother of his children and the best thing that ever happened to him.

Deacon hangs around after the meeting, eating several Oreos and enjoying a cup of coffee. He looks at his watch and calculates traffic at this hour. Deacon has always tried to shield Maddie from his drinking. She knows he goes to meetings but she has no clue what a beer bottle looks like. The words "drunk" or "hungover" have never been uttered in her presence.

But every once in a while, he would get into one of his "moods".

And in times like this, when he is in one of his moods, he tries to make sure he is out of his AA mood before he gets home. Sometimes, it just takes the car ride home to get himself out of the funk. Other times, he would go to the park and sit on the picnic table for a while.

But today a walk in the park or taking the long way home wasn't going to cut it. He felt, for lack of a better word, ungrateful.

His album was done, tomorrow he'd get a release date. His daughter was happy and healthy. He and Ray were almost back to their usual selves. But it now it was slowly occurring to him that he really had a son who died. It had all seemed so surreal back then but now he was pissed.

Over the years, he'd gotten real good at hiding his emotions until they all came boiling up to the surface. He'd thought he had dealt with losing Jack. The other day, he took Maddie to the library. There was a nice woman with a kid who was born the same month as Jack. The little girl was smiling and holding her head up. Truth was, seeing that little girl hurt like hell. In some ways, so much time had passed by since that awful day. But in other ways, the pain felt raw. He and Ray hadn't been able to move from this stalemate in four months.

(())

Rayna smiles into her husband's kiss enjoying the way his hands travel over her exposed flesh. The scruff of Deacon's beard tickles her wrist as his lips slowly travel down up her arm. She inhales his scent and catches the faint fragrance of the vanilla candles burning on the fireplace.

Rayna reaches up to her shoulders and pulls down the straps of her bra. Deacon whispers against her lips a "thanks" for the help as his hands reach around towards her back. She loves when they are like this together, taking their time. Deacon undoes the hooks of her bra and the material joins their shirts on the floor.

His mouth kisses the length of her neck, up to her chin and settles over Rayna's lips. She opens her mouth tempting his tongue to play with hers. The long kiss they share is slow and long. She moans into his mouth as his hands tangle in her hair. Deacon whispers her name against her skin as her fingernails drag across his bare stomach. The pull apart, taking a second just to look at each other. Deacon reminds himself to take his time, they have the whole night ahead of them.

Rayna bites her lip as she watches her husband unbuckle his belt. Rayna's smile widens as Deacon reaches the front of his pants. He slowly unbuttons the denim, enjoying the way Rayna's eyes are glued to his hand movements.

Her blue eyes are wide with desire as she leans forward and captures Deacon's lips between hers. Keeping their lips together, the two work in tandem to get Deacon's pants down his legs. Her hand reaches inside his boxers and slowly, gently strokes his erection. He groans against her lips and feels himself grind towards her hand involuntarily.

All of sudden, Rayna's motions stop and she pulls away.

Before he can ask her what's wrong he hears two little feet followed a second later by a quiet "Mommy?"

Rayna manages to grab Deacon's shirt off the ground and cover her breasts before Deacon can react. The bedroom door opens as Deacon falls onto the bed, placing a pillow in front of his boxers.

Rayna scoops up Maddie and asks what is going on. Maddie furrows her brow and looks over her mother's shoulder to Deacon.

"Why is Daddy breathing like a doggie?" ask Maddie as she brushes her own hair out of her eyes.

Rayna takes another deep breath and laughs into her hand. Deacon really was panting, like a dog. Deacon attempts to catch his breath while Rayna asks her daughter what she is doing out of bed.

Maddie looks at her mother with a serious expression and admits that she, "just couldn't sleep."

Rayna quickly gathered their daughter into her arms and headed back to the little girl's room.

"Tell Daddy night night," commands Rayna as Deacon stays on the bed. Rayna shoots Deacon an apologetic look before she heads back down the hallway.

Twenty minutes later, Rayna returns to find the candles blown out and Deacon sitting on the couch strumming his guitar.

"Your daughter is finally asleep…again," Rayna announces as she plops down beside Deacon. He strums a few chords and Rayna smiles. Maddie walking in on them had been a mood killer but it was only a few minutes after 9 o'clock.

"Whatcha doing?" asks Rayna as she picks up the notebook on the side table. Rayna hums the chords Deacon has written down and tries to decipher the lyrics written among the ink blots and scribbles.

Deacon offers to play her what he's written so far. Rayna smiles as he strums through the music twice.

"You want help?" Rayna asks and Deacon can't help the grin that spreads across his face. Writing is the one thing they hadn't done since Jack died. Deacon leans into Rayna, kissing her softly and admits he would love her for to help him.

Several hours later, with Rayna's head on Deacon's shoulder he whispers that he loves her. She runs her fingers through his hair and waits for him to continue. In the black of night, with the candles all but burned out, Deacon tell his wife that he misses their son. He tells her about the woman in the library and they both cry.

The night ends with a long kiss and Rayna whispering to Deacon that she loved him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you all for the wonderful encouragement and comments!**

**CHAPTER 9**

"No," Rayna insists even louder than before, turning her head from Watty back to Deacon. The older man huffs in disbelief and throws down several papers onto the kitchen table.

"It's a damn good song Rayna," Watty says as he walks closer. Rayna's eyes dart from Watty to her husband. Deacon's eyes are cast downward, purposefully avoiding her glare. The men are both dressed up: Watty in a black suit and Deacon in a crisp white shirt with grey dress pants.

Rayna puts her hand on her hips and shakes her head silently. She's hurt that Deacon would even share the song they wrote with Watty; but, now both of them want to add it on last minute to the album. It was a song about their dead child. It was personal and heartbreaking. Sure it was a good song but who cares? It was a song she and Deacon wrote for therapy, to help them with their grief. It was not done to be sung or shared with other people. It sure as hell wasn't written to ever be recorded or played on the radio.

Rayna asks Watty for a moment alone with Deacon but Watty says they don't have time. "Rayna the meeting starts in 30 minutes and we're probably going to be late as it is." Today is the meeting with Roundabout Records, the big one where all the executives will began mapping out a strategy for the album and its release. Rayna expected this meeting to last well into the night, as the big meetings almost always did. She expected Deacon to be nervous and excited, but she hadn't expected him to spring this on her.

Rayna feels her eyes pool with tears and in an angry voice tells the men to, "do whatever you want with a song about MY son."

Deacon meets her angry eyes for a moment. Part of him feels bad that he even shared the song at all. It was private. Rayna's therapist had encouraged her to write in the diary she'd left blank for so long. Over time, Ray had started setting time aside to really be alone with her thoughts and jot them down. Then at night, she would share her thoughts and writings with him. As Rayna's thoughts became less jumbled, her emotions began to take the shape of lyrics. Some lyrics were angry, some brought tears to his eyes. Out of the songs they wrote, none of them were given titles. Most weren't even complete songs with bridges, or decisions about choruses and repeats.

Deacon hears Rayna's boots clicking over the living room in an angry stomp. Deacon turns toward Watty who looks, for lack of a better word, determined.

"She'll come around but right now we better get a move on," the older man insists.

Watty is the reason he and Rayna have careers to begin with. He's been a father-figure, pseudo manager, and friend for the last twenty years. Hell, Watty was the one who convinced Rayna to come home from the Cabin. Watty knows Rayna well, but Deacon worries that Watty isn't right about this. Without another word, both me grab their jackets and head towards the car.

(())

"Yeah, it was private."

Dr. Miller nods and looks down at his notes. Rayna knows the next question will be 'how did that make you feel' so she answers it without being prompted.

"It isn't just that Deacon is sharing our song with family friends or even these record executives. The moment that song makes it on the album or God-forbid is released as a single, that is it."

"Meaning?"

Rayna shakes her head. "At concerts, we will be expected to sing it. At press lines and interviews, I'll be asked about it."

Rayna despite her best efforts feels the tears coming. It has taken months to finally get here, to a place where not everything is about Jack. She's able to play with Maddie, eat dinner with her family, and even focus on work without being sad all the time. Of course, there are still days that she just wants to curl up in a ball and cry. But those days are becoming fewer and more spread out.

Dr. Miller looks up from his pad and asks what happens now that the music executives have heard the song. Rayna shrugs. The truth was she didn't know what was going to happen now.

According to Deacon, everyone at the meeting loved the song. The President of the record company was now envisioning the album as something more than just a critic's darling supported by small venue tours. There were two people assigned full-time to planning Deacon's launch and everyone now believes Deacon needed a full-time manager in his own right.

For Rayna, it was an odd mixture of incredible pride and happiness for Deacon and a strong sense of dread and helplessness.

(())

"The sparkles one!" Maddie insists with a sense of excitement in her voice. Her little legs bounce her up and down on the king sized bed.

Rayna holds up red dress again and admires it in the mirror, then switches to the white cocktail dress covered in sequins. She's still a few pound under what she was before she got pregnant, but besides needing a push-up bra she should be fine.

Tonight, the great Lamar Wyatt is being honored as Nashville's Man of the Year. It's his fifth time being honored and Rayna still isn't sure what exactly the qualifications are. Still, she did promise her father and sister that the whole family would be there.

Mentally, Rayna tries to figure out what comes next. She's got 75 minutes to do makeup, fix her hair, get dressed, get Maddie's hair done and then 30 seconds before they leave the house, throw on Maddie's dress.

Deacon walks out of the shower with his undershirt and boxers on. His hair is still wet and he looks, for lack of another word, sexy. Deacon catches Rayna's eyes and smirks at his wife.

A moment later, Maddie squeals and launches herself off the bed and square into her Daddy's arms. Deacon kisses his daughter before encouraging her to go lay out her hose, shoes, and dress on the bed. The little girl squirms away and runs out the master suite. A moment later, Maddie returns out of breath with a small chapter book.

She jumps on the couch and opens the book. Soon Maddie and Deacon are making up their own story to the pictures. While father and daughter take turns reading, Rayna gets ready. By page three, the curlers are in her hair. By page 12, Rayna's repainted her toenails and starts putting on her foundation. By page 30: the jewelry is on, her legs are shiny with freshly applied lotion, and the curlers are out. Deacon loses his place on the page when Rayna emerges from the closet in the white dress that Maddie likes.

Maddie, bored with the book, starts singing 'Postcard from Mexico.' Luckily, she only knows Rayna's part and has no clue what the song means. While their daughter, dances around the room, Deacon walks over to his wife. Rayna twirls around, her back facing him.

Deacon takes the hint and zips up her dress, taking care to let the pads of his fingers trace the exposed skin before closing the dress. Against her neck, Deacon whispers that she looks beautiful.

He kisses the exposed skin of her neck, glad to see that despite the recent issues they've had, she isn't shutting him out. Deacon is all too aware that Rayna is unhappy with the prospect of their song being on his album.

The song now had a title 'Baby Blue' and Watty has reserved studio time for early next week. He hadn't broached the subject of recording the song with his wife yet. But tonight was not the time. Despite her current happy mood, she hated these suit and tie things more than he did. Tonight, he just wanted to eat an overly priced steak, smile for a couple of pictures, and get home.

(())

Rayna opens the door a second before her husband walks through it, carrying their sleeping daughter. Tonight had been long and boring and full of speeches about how great Lamar Wyatt was.

The one from the Governor was particularly long and nonsensical. The one from Tandy had been thankfully brief but so complete bullshit it was hard to take her seriously. Luckily, Maddie had been in a good mood and kept herself fairly entertained.

Maddie mumbles something and Rayna notices that there is drool on Deacon's shoulder. Together, they walk up to Maddie's room. Rayna and Deacon work together to get the girl into her pajamas, while their daughter lightly snores.

The two of them walk back to the master suite side by side. Deacon asks Rayna if she's tired, his wife lets out a sweet smile. She is tried but she sure as hell isn't that tired.

She asks how he feels about a shower, "I smell like country club and shrimp cocktail."

Internally, Deacon groans. Showers and condemns together are annoying as hell. Actually, the condoms are getting old in general. He doesn't want to protest too much but it's been three months of awkward drug store encounters and having to stop wherever they are and go get a package from the box. Still, Rayna kisses the skin around his collarbone and suddenly the condoms don't see so important.

(())

"Why don't you get a vasectomy?" asks Rayna honestly, thinking it was the best solution to the condom problem. The truth is, Rayna prefers another form of birth control and this would be easier than anything else.

Deacon stands there for a moment in disbelief as Rayna throws on old t-shirt on. A second later he lets out a bark of laughter, assuming she's just joking. Rayna doesn't get the joke and waits for the punch line.

Deacon sucks in a breath of air and feels his heart racing faster. "You're kidding right?"

Rayna shrugs and throws her head to the side. She knows that most men are sensitive about their virility but Deacon was never really like that.

Deacon's voice grows louder and harsher. "Ray, that's permanent!"

Rayna pulls back the comforter and sheets while Deacon continues to stay frozen in his spot. She lays down on the bed and says aloud that would be the point.

"It's not like we are having any more kids anyways, it would be on simple procedure and then we're set."

Deacon stands up beside the bed for several minutes, hearing his heart beating in his ears. They've never openly discussed having another baby but he just assumed that eventually they'd try for another. He thought they would wait awhile, emotionally and physically she wasn't ready. Actually, truth was right now he wasn't ready either. It never occurred to him that she didn't want another child; just the opposite. He thought she wanted a healthy baby now more than ever.

Rayna realizes Deacon is still standing up and asks "What's wrong?"

Deacon feels his throat closing in and spits out that he forgot to lock the back door. Deacon practically runs out the bedroom door as Rayna turns off the nightstand light.


End file.
